☄️ On Feedback — Soliciting, Listening, and Responding with Intention

I get a lot of feedback in this job. A lot.

Students, alumni, staff, board members, donors, partners, colleagues, strangers…there's no shortage of folks who opine on how I'm doing.

We keep tight feedback loops rolling throughout our busy summer season, but there's something different about the velocity and quantity data that comes in once all the programs end. We hit that milestone last week, which means I've been surfing a wave of fresh of opinions on all things performance.

This might sound rough, but it's actually something I've grown to fully embrace and appreciate.

Our goal should never just to be get things done; we should learn from what we're doing and improve where we can. Steady feedback is vital to making that happen.

In Call Sign Chaos, General Mattis writes:

You don’t control your subordinate commanders’ every move; you clearly state your intent and unleash their initiative. Then, when the inevitable obstacles or challenges arise, with good feedback loops and relevant data displays, you hear about it and move to deal with the obstacle. Based on feedback, you fix the problem.

Commander's Intent is a core military doctrine that has been adapted in the civilian sector, and is perhaps a good topic for another post. The relevant piece here is the essential role of feedback — simply establishing intent isn't sufficient. You also need to be collecting meaningful data on how things are going and adapt accordingly.

We've all had experiences where feedback sessions have gone off the rails. Too much data (or data that reflects too sharply on performance gaps) can tip a conversation into defensiveness or despondency.

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But it can be collected and responded to constructively. After years of working this particular job, I've developed not only a thick skin but also a process that helps me manage it all.

I offer three broad steps to consider:

1. Solicit with intention

Consider why you're asking for feedback in the first place. As a rule of thumb, if you're just looking for compliments, don't bother asking (maybe turn to a good friend or family for that). If you're looking for substantive responses that can help you improve, read on.

Thoughtfully choose who you're asking to provide feedback. If you find a source that can you rely on to provide high quality feedback, use it!

Be mindful of when and how you're asking for feedback. You'll get different responses, for example, asking in the heat of the moment versus after time has passed from the conclusion of an event. You'll likewise see differences if those providing feedback are able to remain anonymous — sometimes that's what it takes for the unfettered truth to come out.

And don't sleep on the importance of specifying exactly what you're asking for. Are you looking for broad comments, or are you searching for something more specific?

The more intentional the solicitation, the more valuable the data collected.

2. React with intention

There's immense value in preparing yourself to receive feedback before diving straight in.

If you're going to read survey results, consider your mindset before you open the document. Are you in a place to receive critique and/or take action on whatever you learn?

If you're receiving the information live, think through beforehand what type and level of feedback you think you're about to get, and prepare accordingly.

3. Respond with intention

Your immediate reaction is important, especially when you hear something you disagree with or that triggers defensiveness.

Marine leaders love the phrase "perception is reality." It made my blood boil to hear that as a young marine. "No!" I wanted to yell. "Perception is perception! Reality is reality!" Still, even Lance Corporal Pavel took their point. If someone thinks of you in a certain way, that perception is in fact a reflection of some slice of reality. Whether outside your control or not, some circumstances have led to that particular perception from that particular person.

It could be that a piece of feedback you receive seems wildly off base. It could be that you've been missing something big and that the respondent uncovered something you should have been aware of. Or it could be that they're way out of touch, which is revealing in it's own way. What led to that perception, and what does it tell you about reality?

When you get that tough piece of feedback, even if you disagree with it, it's almost always counterproductive to voice your disagreement in the moment. Acknowledge receipt, make a note, and move on to process later on.

The longer term reaction is also pivotal. After years of doing this job, for example, I've resolved to change as little as possible in the weeks immediately after the summer season ends. I need time to rest and reflect before acting, as does the team.

But if I don't take any action after collecting feedback, folks notice and may feel like there was no point in giving it in the first place.

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There's a risk to publishing this piece, as is the case for most of the candid things I share publicly. Someone may read this entry and think, "Yeah, but I gave Ryan feedback on [insert thing Ryan did wrong here] and he never did anything with it."

It's possible I (1) ignored it even though I should have taken action, (2) am in the process of taking action, or (3) evaluated the feedback and decided not to take the requested action. A leader's goal cannot be to make everyone happy. A reality of casting a wide feedback net is that you'll get a bunch of data that will require analysis and decisiveness, leading to outcomes that you discern to best.

The through line here is 🥁🥁🥁 intentionality. That's no surprise for anyone who has been following my work here, as I link just about everything back to that concept.

Feedback matters. Get collectin'.

But if you have any negative feedback on this post, you can go pound sound.