🍳 (Not So) Burned Out

Thing 1: Burnout sucks.

Thing 2: Reflecting on previous burnout from a position of relative energy sucks much less.

Thing 3: Journaling surfaces Thing 1, triggering positive reflections in Thing 2.

Present me is looking back on the scrawlings of past me, surfaced thanks to a religious dedication to daily journaling, and reminding himself that things right now aren't so bad.

On Full Burnout

A year ago, I wrote about hitting a breaking point. I wasn't just burned out, I was burned.

I wrote, "The acute sense of exhaustion hit in a way I've never quite experienced before. I knew it was likely to happen to some extent, but I wasn't quite prepared for how I would unravel."

The nature of my work makes it so that early August is a routinely challenging time. I have to switch from crisscrossing the country (doing what I love, but still: exhausting) and solving myriad urgent problems into a mode where I get to stay home for a while and plan the next chapters. August also comes with late-summer-kids-who-so-clearly-need-the-routine-of-school-but-aren't-quite-back-in-school-yet energy. Combined with any other number of life changes and challenges, and baby, you've got a stew goin'.

I wrote last year about my decision to deliberately calm my nervous system down. I wrote on recovering through things like time with friends, reading things other than the headline news, and making music. None of that is especially novel.

But the post is memorable because of the response it elicited. I had more folks reach out reacting to my candid assessment of where I was than I do to the vast majority of what I write. Something about it hit, I think, in part because people saw themselves in what I was writing, and perhaps also in part because they were concerned for me.

On Relative Burnout

I am tired, now, as I'm in that same annual August cycle. The summer was stressful. I have many decisions to make. The executive who is supposed to be in charge of my functions sometimes appears to flee to his yacht instead of dutifully manning his post (side note: hopefully he at least would use his yacht to respond to a distress call from a nearby ship, unlike Zuck's $300 million monstrosity).

I am in need of restoration. I am in need of kids who have a daily school routine.

But relatively speaking, I'm...good. I do not feel that same level of visceral exhaustion. I don't feel quite as adrift as I did 12 months ago, wondering about my very purpose and concerned about whether I could keep things going at anywhere close to the pace I had been maintaining.

Two things can be true at the same time. I was more burned out at this time last year than I am right now, but I am still, by many indicators, currently a tad crispy.

Past You, Current You

Journaling plus a routine of reviewing those journal entries helps level set.

That combined practice can make an enormous difference in how I feel at any given moment. Yes, there's a risk that it makes me feel worse if I look back at a period of my life when things were comparatively better than they are right now, but even there, there's opportunity for growth.

Seeing where I was at is helping me approach my current day to day with some positivity and enthusiasm. If some of the decisions that I made over the past year helped me get to this bizarre late summer place while feeling...decent, well, that's a notable improvement. And it's worth spending time asking what decisions I made that helped things get better.

My measurement should not and cannot be against my ideal end state, nor should it be against those who I perceive to be in a better position than I am. All I can really be is me. Candid assessment on where I am now relative to where I was before is at a minimum worthwhile, and at maximum supremely helpful.

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What I hope to trigger in you, dear reader, is both an honest reflection of who you actually are and also an assessment of who you are now relative to who you were before.

Are you proud of who you've become? If so, let's celebrate. Are there things you wish to improve? If so, let's figure out how to get you there.

Because all you can really be is you. And that's the good stuff.

Relatively Yours,

—Rye