🔋 Finding Weird, Part 3 - The Bridge

Fear, then strength…then what?

We are at our best when we are ourselves. Our strange, unique, goofy selves. Believe that, and you will be better for it. This is my core contention.

In part one of this series, we talked about revealing and acknowledging fears — those insidious things that we try to squirrel away in the attic of the mind instead of confronting. And confront we must, if we are to build a robust foundation.

In part two, we talked about identifying and leaning into the things that give us strength and confidence — something that's always there, but we often have trouble seeing. We may overemphasize the fear side of the ledger, neglecting to acknowledge the places from which we draw strength (and if you find yourself only paying attention to strengths, may I suggest a healthy dose of humility?).

In part three, let's talk about balancing that ledger, striving to build a platform where we can be holistically productive in authentic ways. Let's bridge from fear to strength, and stand with conviction on the structure we create.

It's All About Connection

Honestly, I’m kinda obsessed with connections.

I mean that in a relationship sense, as the richness of the human experience lies in how we connect with each other. When asked about my best piece of advice to give to other leaders managing crises on The Unshakeables podcast, my answer was immediate and obvious. "It's all about relationships.” Because, well, it is.

I also mean that in a productivity sense. Some of you may be tired of me talking about Obsidian! Tough darts, in the words of my 1L property law professor. Obsidian gave me an eminently usable platform to write things quickly across all devices with internal links where I could see at a glance how the thing I'm writing about is connected to other things I've written (see more about this in my year-end reviews from 2022, 2023, and 2024).

Connecting Fear and Strength

Let's apply this concept of connection to fear and strength, imagining these two items as banks along a mighty river. They share the same core of earth beneath them, if you look deep enough below. But at the surface level, all you can see is that they are separated.

(please, hold your applause and award submissions for this graphic design prowess)

Each of these slices of land is a much a part of you as the other. You are the sum total of each of your component parts, whether you like that fact or not.

The task here is to find a way to walk freely among those parts, not shying away from the fears, nor denying the strengths. To get there, you need, a (groan):

Bridge!

And no, I didn't use AI for these images, which should be obvious, seeing as how even AI could create something more eye catching.

Connection Applied

Jokes aside, what does this actually look like?

On Personal Connections

Allow me to get perhaps uncomfortably personal. These last couple of years have been, by some margin, the most challenging of my life. I've had to face things that have unlocked fears I didn't quite know were there. The types of fears I suppressed because it was easier to pretend I was doing fine without acknowledging them. That may sound melodramatic, but anyone familiar with massive life change knows of what I speak.

I've had to do some deep introspection to figure out who I am, what I want, what I can provide, and where I can and want to go. I've been more face-to-face with fear than I typically care to admit.

And I've found strength that I didn't know was there. Some of that is internal — an ability to persevere and problem-solve no matter the circumstances. A huge part of that has been external — relying on folks I typically prefer were solely able to rely on me, as if reliance could or should be a one-way street. I've had to open myself up and fight the urge to go inconsolably internal. Or to let myself sit in a dark place because I was afraid of what the light might reveal.

It is those strengths that have allowed me not to erase those fears, but to access them when I need to and walk away from them when appropriate. I have a bridge between the two that I'm continually building and repairing (this thing is stubbornly unstable, which makes sense given how unhandy I am with home projects). But the bridge is holding, so far, allowing me a sense of security no matter what elements of life flow beneath my feet.

Does my foot occasionally fall through a rotted plank, threatening to drop me into the torrent below? Yeah…

But does my ass fall onto another stubbornly secure plank on the way down, which allows me to scramble and catch my footing? Also yeah.

It's messy. It's a process. But fear and strength are both alive and well in my world, and I think they should be in yours as well.

On Professional Connections

Even for a personality-driven blog, this post is getting to be a bit much, eh?

Let's turn to the professional side.

In parts one and two, I talked about the genesis of this exercise, which was at a conference for student veteran leaders at top institutions throughout the country. As I left that session, I felt good about helping acknowledge the fears and strengths, but I felt that the connections piece — the bridge of it all — wasn't quite made explicit enough.

When I ran my Warrior-Scholar Project team through a similar exercise a couple weeks later, I had a different idea. What if we make that bridge obnoxiously explicit?

On the left side of this picture, you'll see post-it notes of fears written by every member of the team, which we then grouped together. On the right side, you'll see the same thing with strengths. And in the middle, well, there it is. My cheesy as heck bridge.

There was something meaningful about walking through this exercise as a group. If I ever start some type of consulting/coaching business, I have to remember to repurpose this exercise for the benefit of Fortune 500 companies, who will hopefully pay me large sums of money to inspire them all to be desperately afraid.

In Parting

I was conflicted about the structure of this post, because while it is all about connections, it's also all about other things:

• It's also all about intentionality.
• It's also all about balance.
• It's also all about authenticity.

That last point is perhaps the most important one to end on. Do you. Don't try and mimic someone else. Don't try and pretend you're something you're not.

Allow yourself the space to access your fears. Allow yourself the intoxicating power of drawing on the things that give you strength. And allow yourself to walk between those worlds with confidence, knowing that even if your bridge between them seems shaky, and even if the waters below are frigid and unkind, you're committed to rebuilding.

Keep building, my friend. And if you need a hammer or some nails, let me know. I've got a few I can spare.

-Rye 🔨